He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
