Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
