I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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