Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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