I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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