you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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