OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do vagina's smell?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize