Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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