when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
