Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
