I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
