party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
