i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
