We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
