omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
