Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
