Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
