Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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