when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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