Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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