Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
