would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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