Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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