It's Friday. Sex?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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