worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
