when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
