My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
