Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
