I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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