my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
