I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
