do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
