can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
