i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
