if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
