Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
