I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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