woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The struggles of a small town man whore
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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