i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
