After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I died a long time ago.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All the doctor said was why
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
