A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
only you would photoshop your dick
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
