I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
