she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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