i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
