he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
