The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
