i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is Oprah even human
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
