Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
