Walk of Shame. In a state park.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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