After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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