i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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