it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
