I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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