your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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