well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
