Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
