fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
