I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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