New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"