If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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