I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
