his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
