She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
