worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
