Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
