He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
