Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
