The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
