I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
