thus making me awesome and them whores
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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