I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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